h2>Dating : The “Talking” Phase — Chapters II + III
I woke up the next day feeling like an idiot. I knew I shouldn’t have kissed him, and I knew that I shouldn’t expect to hear from him again. I mean I did meet him on Tinder. Did I seriously think he was going to end up being my dream guy? I had dated guys like him before, and they all weren’t interested in relationships, they just wanted someone to be with when it was convenient for them.
Just as I was running through my millionth round of self-deprecation, my phone went off. I had gotten a text. It was from him. My heart suddenly began pounding just as quickly as when he had first kissed me. It was a text asking me to meet him at the BYU Football game going on. I eagerly texted him that I would be happy to meet him there, but I’d probably be about 30 minutes. I then proceeded to get ready more quickly than I thought was humanly possible. I threw on my favorite sweater, some jeans, and the same converse from the night before.
Because it was just at the stadium and parking was usually the worst, I decided to just walk to the game. It was about a 15-minute walk, but I thought it would be better than trying to find a parking spot. I finally got to the game, but then I realized, to my horror, that I had left my student pass to the game in my jacket from the night prior. Annoyed at myself and the entire situation, I decided to call him and let him know that I had forgotten my pass and would probably just head home. When I told him, I could hear the disappointment in his voice.
He had actually text me back, and now I was the one disappointing him? Was I completely insane?
As I was walking, I realized that there actually was a lot of parking spots open. When I finally got back to my apartment, I checked how much of the game was left, and I decided to drive back. I jumped in my Ford Focus and rushed over. When I finally made it to the student section, I called him to see where they were sitting. I hadn’t told him that I had decided to come back, and the smile on his face was priceless. He immediately introduced me to all of his friends and gave me a huge hug. I was only there for the last 45 minutes, but it seemed totally worth it.
Since he had walked to the game, I offered to let him ride back with me. While in my car, he told me he had an LDS mission reunion later, but he was down to hang out until then. Since we both loved the office, we went back to his place and watched a few episodes. Before I knew it, I looked at the clock and realized it was past the time his reunion was supposed to begin. I let him know, but he assured me he was well aware. He said he would be missing out on more by leaving me behind.
At the time, I thought this was so adorable and sweet. Looking back I know that probably wasn’t a great sign. He had just met me literally the day before, but he already was willing to dip out on his friends for me. That night we watched some football, played games, and he made me dinner.
That next morning, he headed back to his parents’ home up north for Thanksgiving. I packed up my bags and went to my sister’s house. We texted over the next few days, and he even asked if we could meet up the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I was so excited! He told me he had made plans, and he would pick me up at 6.
I straightened my hair, put on a cardigan, some ripped up jeans, and boots, and waited on my new suitor. I had told my sister and brother in law all about C. I was pretty excited about all of it. When he showed up, I climbed into his beat-up old Taurus, and we headed to Smiths Grocery Store. He had picked out a recipe and we were going to go shopping together and make dinner. I loved that he had made a plan instead of just us “hanging out”. It seemed like no guys seemed to put effort into dating anymore, and I was impressed.
We had so much fun at the grocery store picking out all of the ingredients. I even acted like a child drifting in the shopping cart. The only problem seemed to be the mass of people who were shopping last minute for the feast the next day. We then went back to his apartment and made chicken linguini. It was actually super good, and I was impressed that he could really cook, probably better than I could.
After dinner, we went to the clubhouse in our apartment complex and played ping pong. He killed me. Ping pong is definitely not one of my best skills!
It was fun to ask him about his family, where he grew up, his major, and just his interests in general. I was entirely infatuated by him, and I wanted to learn every single detail I could.
After playing ping pong, we went back to his place and watch some football all snuggled up. It was a pretty awesome night, and I could really see myself falling for him.
After he dropped me back off at my sister’s, we texted periodically throughout the rest of the holiday week. We continued to learn more about each other’s families, traditions, interests, and pasts.
Then he asked me a question that seemed a little odd. He asked me what my intentions were of dating. For some reason, this seemed slightly premature, but considering everything else, I chose to overlook this. I simply told him that I was just wanting to meet new people, and I hoped to one day be able to meet the right person. I guess that was the right answer because he answered by saying he was glad we were on the same page.
The Sunday following Thanksgiving, everyone came back home to get back to reality. C and I had recently learned that we actually had a friend in common who was about to be serving an LDS mission. His farewell speech was going to be that Sunday morning at 9. C and I had planned on going together to show him some support, but that morning, I slept through my alarm to be awoken by his text asking if I was close to being ready. It was 8:30 and the talk was 10 minutes away. I quickly text him back apologizing and letting him know that I had accidentally slept in and that I wouldn’t be able to make it. To my surprise, this actually really upset him. He responded by letting me know that if I wasn’t interested I could just tell him. He said that he would rather me just be upfront.
I immediately began to panic. Was I really sending mixed signals to the guy I was crazy about? I quickly text him back saying I’d rush to get ready and meet him in 10. Looking back, I know that this shouldn’t have upset him, and I should have felt comfortable calling a raincheck. I am just human, and sometimes humans sleep in without ulterior motives. I threw my hair up into a messy bun, threw on some mascara, a black dress, and I rushed to his apartment.
When he opened the door, I was floored. He stood there in a navy suit that fit him perfectly. Between his athletic build, height, crooked smile, and brown eyes, I was entranced once again. I felt like I needed to pinch myself because this guy was actually interested in ME!
We made it to the farewell about 10 minutes late, but it wasn’t a big deal at all. I was kind of caught off guard when he held my hand. A lot of people we both knew were there, and they all saw. In a way this kind of set us off as an item in our social realm. If you’ve ever lived in Provo, you know word travels FAST. I couldn’t help but be proud of everyone seeing me with him. A business student, athlete, returned missionary, stud.
After the farewell, we went back to his place and he made us french toast. This time, it was actually an edible breakfast food! Then we curled up on the couch and watched Sunday afternoon football. I wasn’t the biggest fan of watching football unless it was a team I really liked, but if it meant I got to curl up next to him on my Sunday afternoon, I was so down.
After our first four dates, we were pretty much inseparable. Every day after our classes, we would meet up and do our homework together. A lot of times one of us would finish before the other, but we really didn’t mind. We just wanted to be together. I was pretty crazy about him, but because of that, I was failing to maintain my other friendships and relationships. My friends and sister began to notice that I was becoming more and more aloof. I almost felt guilty spending time with other people, and to be honest, I was just so happy to be with him.
One night two of my best friends text me and asked me to go out to a dance party with them. We used to do this all the time together, and we were all incredibly close. I knew it had been a while since I had gone out with them, so I felt like it would be good and to be honest I missed them a lot. That Saturday afternoon, C and I were hanging out and doing laundry. I told him that I wasn’t going to be able to do anything that night because I would be going out with my two friends to a dance party.
Suddenly C became super quiet and seemed to checked out. I asked him if everything was okay, but he just kept telling me he was fine. Finally, I told him I wasn’t going to ask again, and he opened up.
He told me he felt uncomfortable with me going out with my girlfriends to go dancing when we were seeing each other. He said it made him feel weird because that’s usually where people go to meet other people to date or hook up. I told him he was valid in feeling that way, but we weren’t an exclusive couple yet, and he hadn’t mentioned wanting to be exclusive up to that point.
I think this kind of caught him off guard. In his eyes, I think he already thought that we were exclusive. Yes, I was crazy about C, but I was going out on other dates. I wasn’t kissing anyone else, but I was seeing other people at that point. After that conversation, he told me he wanted to be exclusive, and I told him I did as well. I told him that I was still going to go out with my friends, but we could talk about boundaries for the future at a different time. Overall, it ended fairly well, but I felt like becoming exclusive should have been more natural. It almost felt like he was trying to use it as a way to claim even more of my time.
I was a 20-year-old college student, and even though I was religious, I sometimes used colorful language (sorry mom). One night a bunch of our friends were all hanging out at my apartment. It seemed to be the meeting place for almost everything, and I liked that. I could enjoy a social life from the confines of my very own living room. We were all playing games, watching tv, and just exchanging stories. Suddenly one of my friends began telling a story of one of the guys in our friend group walking in on me changing when he was looking for me roomie. When he had walked in I, of course, responded by telling him “Get the hell out of here” (again, sorry mom)! Everyone died laughing at the story and our friend’s reaction! He was so embarrassed!
We all kept hanging out and going about business as usual, but I noticed that C started just giving me one-worded answers and was failing to engage in the conversation at all. I began to wonder if something was going on with him, and I grew pretty concerned. After everyone slowly filed out, I decided to ask him what was on his mind. His answer had me floored.
He told me he was appalled by my friend’s story and that I would use such vulgar language. He told me it was tacky and inappropriate and he didn’t ever want to hear me or hear about me using such language again. I immediately started cracking up. He couldn’t possibly be serious. I said “hell” that’s in the freaking Bible, and not even close to a big deal.
Pretty quickly I realized that he was genuinely upset. I was torn. I mean I knew that cursing wasn’t classy and probably not a great habit to have, but I also didn’t want to change just because he requested it.
Shouldn’t he just love me as I am? Shouldn’t this not be a big deal at all?
That being said, I could tell this really upset him. I didn’t want him to feel like I was belittling his feelings, and I knew I probably did need to work on things… I struggled to define boundaries of what I was and wasn’t okay taking feedback on from a significant other. I had never dealt with this kind of situation, and I really did want to make him happy. Ultimately, I decided to apologize for offending him and promising to try to be better about my swearing. Little did I know, but this was the beginning of a toxic pattern.
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